I chose Metallica’s “Broken, Beat, & Scarred” as the theme song for my life in 2009. Take a look at the lyrics, then I will continue.

You rise, you fall.
Your down then you rise again.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
You rise, you fall.
Your down then you rise again.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
Rise, fall, down, rise again.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
Rise, fall, down, rise again.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
Through black days, through black nights, 
Through pitch black insights.

Breaking your teeth on the hard life a’coming.
Show, your, scars.
Cutting your feet on the hard earth a’running.
Show, your, scars.
Breaking your life, broken beat and scarred.
But we die hard!

The dawn, the death, the fight to the final breath.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
The dawn, the death, the fight to the final breath.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
Dawn, death, fight, final breath.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
Dawn, death, fight, final breath.
What don’t kill you make you more strong.
They scratch me, they scrape me, 
they cut and rape me.

Breaking your teeth on the hard life a’coming.
Show, your, scars.
Cutting your feet on the hard earth a’running.
Show, your, scars.
Breaking your life, broken beat and scarred.
but we die hard!

Breaking your teeth on the hard life a’coming.
Show, your, scars.
Cutting your feet on the hard earth a’running.
Show, your, scars.
Raiding your soul in a hard luck story.
Show, your, scars.
Spilling your blood in a hot sun’s a’glory.
Show, your, scars.
Breaking your life, broken beat and scarred.

We die hard
We die hard
We die hard

Little did I know that when I chose this song, I was in for one of the toughest financial roads I would face. “What don’t kill you makes you more strong” echoes with a tough guy, gonna kick some ass attitude. But, in order to kick ass, you must have your ass kicked. 

In order for me to truly understand and appreciate the words, “You rise, you fall, you’re down then you rise again. What don’t kill you make you more strong”, I had to rise and fall, then claw my way back up. And not in a “Fight Club” kinda way. Falling and rising again meant sleepless nights. It meant going yet another week without a paycheck, so that the employees could get one. It meant looking at my kids and thinking, “Do they realize their dad is a failure and a looser?” It meant looking at my wife and saying, “I an’t leaving, no matter what.” It meant I had to look like I had my shit together, while living in a nice home in a nice neighborhood, wondering if it was all going to disappear. It meant starting a family with no debt (after we worked our ass off to get out of debt) only to sink every available line of credit back into our business so that our employees didn’t lose their jobs. It meant laid off employees hating my guts (and my family’s guts) and thinking that we are nothing but a bunch of rich assholes because we had to let them go. (Sometimes cornering my wife at a birthday party and calling her a bitch.) It mean falling on my hands and knees, weeping, while my kids napped because I felt like such an asshole. 

But, the song goes on. 

Breaking your teeth on the hard life a’coming.
Show, your, scars.
Cutting your feet on the hard earth a’running.
Show, your, scars.
Breaking your life, broken beat and scarred.
But we die hard!

“What don’t kill you makes you more strong!” Do you know how your muscles get stronger? You see, when you exercise, you are actually tearing your muscles. That is why you’re sore the day after you workout. It’s your body repairing those torn muscles. That’s why they get bigger. Same goes with a broken bone. When the bone heals, it is stronger than it was before. Some martial artists hit a rock with their hands and knuckles every day. This causes little breaks in their bones. After many years of doing this, their hands are literal weapons.

Walking through this personal financial crisis has caused me to tear some mental muscle and break some psychological and spiritual bones. I’ve had to look at myself and face the inner demons that can tear a way a mans worth. I had to get my ass knocked down. Again, and again. I had to cry and beg for this to stop, while life kept kicking me in the ribs, cracking and snapping them. But then…I got up.

Life now has a gleam of fear in his eye. It knows it’s my turn to take a swing. The beat down it has given me has done nothing but increase my strength. The pain it inflicted was meant to break me, but it made me stronger. Life knows it has an ass kicking coming my way. And it is not because or my strength. It is because of my weakness. Christ’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. And I am a very weak man. This scares my opponent, for it knows that we die hard.  

Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette are back as well reprising their roles.

I am not going to divulge too much, so don’t worry about spoilers here.

Scream 4 did quite well in capturing the spirit of the original. There is humor, mystery, and lots of blood. Wes Craven and company did a great job of throwing curve balls to the audience, keeping me guessing who was the killer until the very end. That was what made Scream a classic to me. Not only was it a slasher movie, but a mystery as well. Scream 4 delivered this like a pizza to a hungry fat guy.

The opening scene is one of the best in the franchise. The audience howled with thrills and laughter as Ghost face made his come back. The movie does not take itself to serious, given the pitfalls of horror sequels and especially reboots to a franchise. It winked and nodded at what we expected to be cheesy acting, dialog and story lines. (aka-Don’t open that door you big breasted bimbo!) And this is what made Scream 4 brilliant.

Don’t get me wrong, it is a standard horror flick, complete with blood, guts, and big breasted bimbos. But it succeeded in taking the standard formula, and kicking it up a notch.

When the credits began to roll at the end, I felt like I was reaquainted with an old friend I have not seen in 11 years. It captured the delight and fun factor that made the original Scream a classic. Will Scream 4 become a classic? Probably not. No horror franchise can topple the original, but Scream 4 could become one for a new generation.

If you like the Scream movies, you will like Scream 4. So if you’re looking for something to do today, head out and see it. Get you a big bucket of popcorn, sit back, and watch Ghost face do what he does best. And if he asks you, “What’s you’re favorite scary movie?” , you better have a damn good answer if you want to live to see the sequel.

Sure, we have our share of struggle, but she still sticks by my side. The stress caused by finances leads to the destruction of tons of marriages. But not this one. When all this shit started, I looked her dead in the eye and said, “I aint goin’ nowhere.” I took my vows serious. “For richer and poorer…” are not merely words.  They are truth. I don’t care where we call home. Home is where my wife and kids are.

She has been such an encourager. When I get in one of my moods, she gives me space. She doesn’t try to make things better. She knows when to embrace, and when to leave me be. Whoever said that women are the weaker sex was a dumbass.

We’ve been married for 9 years. I want to sing this song at our 10 year anniversary. Baby, this is for you. We’re almost there. Just a little more patience.

Shed a tear ’cause I’m missing you
I’m still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn’t sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you’re in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It’ll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we’ll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience…
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
‘Cause I’d rather be alone
If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love, there’s one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I’ll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
‘Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I’ve got what it takes to make it
We won’t fake it, Oh never break it
‘Cause I can’t take it

…little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati… (ence, yeah)
I’ve been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It’s hard to see with so many around
You know I don’t like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don’t change but maybe the name
I ain’t got time for the game
‘Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me…

We just got some good news today that puts this song closer to reality. I really want to perform this song at my church.

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

(chorus)
Now that we’re here,
It’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we’re here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

(chorus)

I’m so afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me

(chorus)

All the crap started in January, after a very uplifting church service. Jessica and I had a very real encounter with God that Sunday. A word was given to our church that God was going to move over finances and set people free of debt. The message hit home with us, so I wrote down all of our finances and debts that we owed and left them down at the front of the church, where we had gathered to pray.

Later that week, everything went to hell. More financial problems hit us. Sick children and no insurance makes the bills add up pretty damn quick. Then my father and I got into a disagreement. Then my grandfather took a turn for the worst. It had seemed that what we heard at church was nothing but a joke.

This lead to many shouting matches between me and God. I have always tried to do what is right. As a manager, I have always tried to treat everyone fairly and with respect. In my business dealings, I have always been ethical. So, this lead me to the question of why?

Damn, that is one dangerous question to ask oneself. Dangerous in that it will lead you up, or can totally destroy you. But it is a question that has to be asked from time to time.

So I would ask, “So, God, why is all this happening to my family? Why do so people who are just down right dirty bastards, make a ton of money and have no suffering? That makes no damn sense to me?”

Most of the time there was silence. But what could I do? I can not turn away from my faith. Why? Because there is no place else to turn.

I am one anylitical motherf***er. I am always trying to figure out everything. What sin is God punishing me for? Is this a test of faith? Am I that f***ed up?

A song that best describes me is, “Take a Look Around” by Limp Bizkit. Or, the Mission Impossible II Theme song. Check this out.

“Does anybody really know the secret?

Or the combination for this life and where they keep it?

It’s kinda sad when you don’t know the meaning,

But everything happens for a reason.

I don’t even know what I should say,

cuz I’m an idiot a looser, a microphone abuser.

I analyze every second I exist, beatin’ up my mind every second with my fist.”

So over the past few months, I have had turmoil and peace. I have yelled at God in one breath and praised him with the next. That is why I think I have bipolar faith.

So where does that leave us? I think what my family has been walking through has been part test of faith and part shit happens. As I continue to walk this road, I think I am realizing that there is a balance between turmoil and peace, and that God can bring total comfort and peace and rest, in the midst of the shit storm.

I ain’t got everything figured out, far from it. But I do know that the dog eats the crumbs that fall from the masters table, and I ain’t ashamed to sit under the table and beg.

k

“Cuz I don’t know what I should do. Life is a lesson, you learn it when you’re through.” LB

I have been going through a lot of crap over the past few months. I mean a lot. So much so, I feel like a roll of Charmin, if you catch my meaning. So, I decided to let out my frustrations, fears, questions, rants, and melt downs for you, and the rest of the world to see. I am going to be honest. Brutally honest at times. I have decided to let it all out.

The oxymoron part of being honest  is, I have to be discreet about the particulars of what is going on. There are other people, places and things involved and, out of respect, I will keep somethings from public view.

But, as for me personally, I will be honest. Be warned, it will be ugly. I am sure there will be profanity. But, like with any surgical procedure, it is ugly and messy and nauseating, but is needed in order to make the sick well.

So, what is Rock n’ Roll therapy? Over the past few months, I have found a solace in music. As some of you know, I have always had a love affair with music. And this love has helped keep my stable and sane. Especially hard music. Bands like, Limp Bizkit, Metallica, Godsmack, Guns n Roses, Mortification, The Showdown, Chevelle, Motley Crue, Tool, (I think you get the idea.) These bands have become very therapeutic, they have become my shrink.

Hard, heavy music has helped me walk through some emotional shit. (See, there’s a swear!) There are times when screaming at the top of my lungs with thunder-crunching guitars and pounding drums kills some of the inner demons. Metal has always asked tough questions and dealt with emotional pain, but not in victimized, emo bullshit  fashion. No, metal has always been about “Things may suck, but I am still going to kick it’s ass!”

So over the next few days, weeks or months, I am going to invite you with me. I am going to introduce you to songs that have helped me. Songs that have become very close friends of mine. Hell, you may even need to sit on the couch next to me.

Above all else, you will see a very rough spiritual side of me. I am a Christian, and desire to live a life that is pleasing to Christ, but sometimes, a lot of times, I don’t. At least in my mind. I have been learning a lot about grace, and the fact that there is nothing I can do to make God love me more or love me less. This is humbling. I have also learned that God can take whatever I throw at Him. And I have taken Him up on his offer. God is never afraid to back down from a fight, nor back out of a wrestling match, just ask Jacob.

So that’s pretty much it for tonight. Stick around for a while. Tonights blog has been brought to you by:

k

Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted
to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment
and I happened to be standing at the judge’s table asking
directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the
other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides,
they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted
this as being one of those burdens you endure when you’re an internet
writer and therefore known and adored by all.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

ME: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint
from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out.
Hope that’s the worst one. These people are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno
tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.

ME: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted
to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the
beer line.

Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

ME: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium
spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows
the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer
wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front
part of my chest.

Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.

ME: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh
refills so I wouldn’t have to dash over to see her.

Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

ME: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I
belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The
contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain
damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a
pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to
stop screaming.

Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.

ME: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous
flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.

Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers
at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number
3, he appears to be in a bit of distress.

ME: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I
wouldn’t feel it. I’ve lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili
which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at autopsy,
they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too
painful and I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just
let it in through the hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge number 3 fell
and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.

JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for
all, not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

ME: ——————

Actual photo right after I tasted chili number 3.

This is from a joke that someone had forwarded me. I took some creative liberties, but I figured ya’ll would get a kick out of it.

k

The Chili Cook Off begins at 10:30am this Saturday, September 25th at Hanna Piano Company in Seven Oaks Shopping Center. (Located between St. Andrews Rd. and Old Bush River Rd.) All are welcome to drop by and sample the chili. Then, each chili will be voted on with donations to Dogs for the Deaf. (Hence the fund raiser.) The Chili chef that gets the most money will be awarded with the peoples choice award.

So come out this Saturday and support your local chefs, eat some dang good chili, and donate to a good cause. Bring your family and your dollars, and don’t forget your apatite!

Hannah Piano Company at 10:30AM

Seven Oaks Shopping Center
6169 St. Andrews Road
Columbia, SC 29212

798-7077

www.dogsforthedeaf.org

Who knows you might even get see this guy.

Or maybe even these guys.

I saw Piranha 3D last night, so I thought I would share with you guys what I liked, and didn’t like about the movie. First, if you are queasy, or don’t like horror movies, then this movie is not for you. There was so much fake blood used during this movie, that as it stands right now, Piranha 3D holds the worlds record. But don’t worry, no CGI fish were harmed during the making of this film.

First, if you don’t know what the movie is about, let me explain. Listen very carefully. You might want to take notes. Ready? It’s about prehistoric piranha that eat a bunch of horny college kids. That’s about it.

Second, Piranha 3D has a great cast. Elisabeth Shue plays a no nonsense Sheriff and single mom. Christopher Lloyd plays the wacky fish no-it-all guy. When he first appeared on the screen, I couldn’t help but yell out, “ONE POINT TWENTY ONE JIGAWATTS?!” (Not one person chuckled, except Billy.) Jerry O’Connell plays the owner/director of “Wild Wild Girls”. A nod to “Girls Gone Wild”. And then there is Richard Dreyfuss, who reprises his role as Matt Hooper, the character he played in Jaws. Not kidding.

The 3D effects were awesome. You can never have too much blood, guts, fish and vomit flying towards you. But that is just one mans opinion. I am a sucker for gore and shock. Yes, movies are a lot scarier when they leave things to  your imagination, but sometimes you just want to see someone get their hair tangled in a boat propeller resulting in their scalp and face being ripped off. And Piranha 3D does not disappoint.

When the carnage ensues, you see eyeballs eaten, stomachs ripped open, limbs fall off, decapitation, legs gnawed off, a piranha (after swimming inside a girls stomach) exits out her mouth, two people carrying a badly injured girl onto the beach, only to have her body split in two at the waist, and the Pièce de résistance… a mans wang floating through the water, only to be eaten, and regurgitated by one of those loveable, sharp-toothed fish.

Enough about what I like, lets move on to what I don’t like. There was only one thing I did not like, and the average guy will think I’m nuts, but I could not stand all the boobs. OK, I get it. It’s Spring Break and you have a bunch of drunken, horny college kids. But for the love of all things Hooters, do you really have to show boobs every 20 seconds? They weren’t even that nice. Back in the day, that would’ve been a crowd pleaser, but after a while they all start to look the same. Maybe I’m just getting old.

In conclusion, if you want to see a movie with plenty of people being eaten by prehistoric piranha, then Piranha 3D will not disappoint. Some of you might be asking, “How can you call yourself a Christian and go see a movie like this?” It’s easy, I call myself Kevin. Thanks for reading!