I saw Piranha 3D last night, so I thought I would share with you guys what I liked, and didn’t like about the movie. First, if you are queasy, or don’t like horror movies, then this movie is not for you. There was so much fake blood used during this movie, that as it stands right now, Piranha 3D holds the worlds record. But don’t worry, no CGI fish were harmed during the making of this film.
First, if you don’t know what the movie is about, let me explain. Listen very carefully. You might want to take notes. Ready? It’s about prehistoric piranha that eat a bunch of horny college kids. That’s about it.
Second, Piranha 3D has a great cast. Elisabeth Shue plays a no nonsense Sheriff and single mom. Christopher Lloyd plays the wacky fish no-it-all guy. When he first appeared on the screen, I couldn’t help but yell out, “ONE POINT TWENTY ONE JIGAWATTS?!” (Not one person chuckled, except Billy.) Jerry O’Connell plays the owner/director of “Wild Wild Girls”. A nod to “Girls Gone Wild”. And then there is Richard Dreyfuss, who reprises his role as Matt Hooper, the character he played in Jaws. Not kidding.
The 3D effects were awesome. You can never have too much blood, guts, fish and vomit flying towards you. But that is just one mans opinion. I am a sucker for gore and shock. Yes, movies are a lot scarier when they leave things to your imagination, but sometimes you just want to see someone get their hair tangled in a boat propeller resulting in their scalp and face being ripped off. And Piranha 3D does not disappoint.
When the carnage ensues, you see eyeballs eaten, stomachs ripped open, limbs fall off, decapitation, legs gnawed off, a piranha (after swimming inside a girls stomach) exits out her mouth, two people carrying a badly injured girl onto the beach, only to have her body split in two at the waist, and the Pièce de résistance… a mans wang floating through the water, only to be eaten, and regurgitated by one of those loveable, sharp-toothed fish.
Enough about what I like, lets move on to what I don’t like. There was only one thing I did not like, and the average guy will think I’m nuts, but I could not stand all the boobs. OK, I get it. It’s Spring Break and you have a bunch of drunken, horny college kids. But for the love of all things Hooters, do you really have to show boobs every 20 seconds? They weren’t even that nice. Back in the day, that would’ve been a crowd pleaser, but after a while they all start to look the same. Maybe I’m just getting old.
In conclusion, if you want to see a movie with plenty of people being eaten by prehistoric piranha, then Piranha 3D will not disappoint. Some of you might be asking, “How can you call yourself a Christian and go see a movie like this?” It’s easy, I call myself Kevin. Thanks for reading!
